God Lives Through: Grief
#nowplaying God Lives Through by A Tribe Called Quest.
7:14 AM (EST)
Everything is in slow motion. I mean, I’m here, but I’m not. I mean, what about summer traveling? I mean, what about deals? I mean, what about you coming home, being loud on the phone? I mean, what about you laughing obnoxiously at a TV program? I mean, what about your birthday in April? The words uttered in my soul: “I thought we had more time.” We, as humans, sometimes think we have more time, but the truth is we never know. Through the anger, through the hurt, I begin to thank God for the time He gave, for each lesson, each hug, each tough love. I begin to think about how I used to raid your closet as a kid: the 8-ball leather jacket, the Eric B and Rakim playing loudly, the “N” I used to make you cut in my hair. The memories, the flashes, the pain.
Night approaches, and I think about life. I had already been going through a spiritual transformation since 2018, sort of a monk lifestyle, but this hit me to my core. I begin to think: social media, certain endeavors I was involved in, and people I no longer wanted. I no longer wanted the persona of the popular kid. I wanted to enjoy life, have a healthy dynamic, travel, continue to invest, and grow. I wanted to finally write the stories of all stories, the experiences that I’ve had from California, Vegas, Atlanta, Jersey, NYC, the magazine, the mortgage company, teen parenthood, and a slew of other things you always said I needed to write and produce because I had a testimony of all testimonies, the ups and downs, the experiences we adamantly call life.
But how will I live without my uncle? Since I can remember, you have always been there. When I was going into labor, you had the police escort you on the highway to get my son’s dad to the hospital quickly. When I opened my sneaker store, you designed my first logo. All of the pivotal points in my life, you were right there. Damn, I thought we had more time.
See, the thing was, the reality was setting in: it didn’t matter about money, status, or any of the trivial things. My uncle was gone, an important part of my life was gone just like that, and there was nothing I could do to change that outcome.
